It turns out that our insurance company has spun us around too long and now Kyrie’s surgery has been cancelled. The hospital requires 14 days prior to be cleared, but we are past that now, so the surgery was cancelled. While we are furious, we have some hope in that the doctor thinks she might be big enough now to do the procedure in his office, so we are praying that the waiver with our insurance goes through prior to September 1st, which is the new date to attempt this procedure in his office. Please pray for us.
Many people are just as confused as we are in this process, so I would like to take a moment to put in Summary This Process from Kyrie’s Birth to Now.
Louis and I chose to have Kyrie here in the States because of the trauma of taking Davy to the hospital two days into our move to Lebanon. We also desperately want our children to know their family here (whether through blood or otherwise). This is a decision we will take up into prayer in the future as we continue to have children.
Upon arriving in the States we entered into the process of getting insurance that would cover us having Kyrie and any problems that might ensue for any of us while we were here. (In the future Humana will NOT be an insurance we choose). The numbers on paper looked good, and we were saved from thousands of dollars in the hospital having her by getting insurance.
When Kyrie was born the pediatrician that comes to see the babies found that she had an imperforate hymen. I, Annie, had this as well, but it was not discovered until I was about 8 and had had many infections, and it was quite traumatic for me to get the procedure done. So, we were blessed to find out about the need for surgery so early on.
We immediately made appointments for Davy and Kyrie to see our pediatrician here, but then found out that while our pediatrician does work with Humana they do not work with the specific Humana plan we have, making him out of network. Our idea of having a pediatrician we could always come to in the States was gone, and the referral he had given us for the surgery was also worthless. So we spent some time finding an in network pediatrician. The one we found has too many patients and not enough pediatricians, so every appointment we make is a month or so out. By the time we saw her to get another referral months were passing.
With the referral we made an appointment with a surgeon, but the earliest they could see us was June. At this point we made the decision for Louis and Davy to go to Lebanon without Kyrie and I in May. We had teams coming to Lebanon for our first sets of summer trips for VBS and we needed to have Louis there for that. We sent Davy in the hope that the surgery would happen soon after the consult and we could join them ASAP.
The teams went well, great in fact, but Davy did not handle the separation well. He was having a terrible time, as were we all, and the consult led to a surgery date of August 27th. So, we brought the boys back in the beginning of July. We took time in Colorado to check in with Horizons.
When we got back to Arizona in the middle of July, Louis spent an entire day on the phone with Humana to determine how the procedure would be covered. We made sure to do it over a month before so that there would be no surprises. We gave all the information to the surgeon’s office who said that it sounded routine.
Now it is August, her surgery is approaching and we receive a call from the surgeon’s office saying that Humana has denied coverage. Two more days Louis has now sat on the phone with Humana, our primary care pediatrician, and the surgeon’s office. The information we had at first, Humana claims, is wrong. And now that it is a week away from the surgery, the surgeon’s office cannot keep our place in line at the hospital, so the surgery has been cancelled for August 27th. The surgeon’s office and our pediatrician are very nice and on our side of this and have been working hard to help us out and get us back together as a family and back to Lebanon. Humana has blocked us at every turn. We are hopeful now that Kyrie is big enough to have the procedure accomplished in office at the surgeon’s on September 1st.
For the doctors and assistants who have been tirelessly working alongside us to get this taken care of now.
For the increasing stress to not take a toll (Louis and I have both begun to get sick during all of this and have had several minor injuries that I just know are a result of the stress. Davy and I have begun have nightmares every night again as well.)
For us to be able to put our energy into our work for Horizons and in discipling our senders here in the States (Look forward to some announcements soon of workshops we would like to do with those of you interested in learning more about ways to help out our mission to Lebanon and other missionaries you may know.)
For clarity as we make decisions for our family
For comfort in this time of disappointment and frustration
You do not know how important each one of you is to our lives. Without your prayers, concern, and love we would not be able to do any of this. We are battling loneliness and fear and culture shock all the time, but are able to see the hundreds of you that are supporting us by receiving this newsletter, and we know that you are behind us 100%. That is why we are running to you now with our need. We need prayer more than ever. Please ask your churches, small groups, friends, pastors, and anyone you can think of to join us in prayer as we approach this September 1st appointment. Thank you.
I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now.
Louis and I fully intended on writing up a humorous account of our frustrating travels to Rome and then Lebanon. One of our underlying themes throughout the MTI training was to live in paradox, and we will still post both of our accounts written through that lens. However, we need to take the time now to debrief with you a different lesson. Grieving & Loss. We knew we would be missing home and friends and family. We knew we needed to take time to grieve these losses in order to recover and move forward in our new lives here. We learned a lot about the things we were already grieving when we went to Colorado. We saw that we are prone to deny or avoid these pains, but that does not help us grow and will stunt our maturity and adjustment to a new country.
In conclusion, we came to Lebanon prepared to grieve and knew that the first month would be our time to do that in.
What we were in no way prepared for was what happened on Day 2 of being in Lebanon.
We arrived in Lebanon 4:30 pm on Thursday the 8th of May. We were staying with Pierre and Gigi, our team leader and his wife. Davy got sick Friday morning, our first morning in Lebanon. 6am he woke us up by throwing up all over us. He ate very little throughout the day and that night threw up his entire dinner. All night he would throw up anything he drank. In the morning I felt scared being in this strange country with a sick baby. I didn’t know why he was throwing up and while he slept hot during the night, he did not seem feverish. We decided to take all of our luggage to our new apartment, pick up the mattress for Louis and I and then leave Davy and I at home to try to hydrate him and rest so he could get better.
This plan progressed only as far as the mattress store. We put Davey on Louis’ shoulders and were joking around when Davey asked for water. Having thrown up everything for the past two days we asked him to wait until we left the store and then 30 seconds later he fell limp down Louis’ back. We immediately took him down off of Louis and he was unresponsive. His eyes rolled back in his head and he began to foam at the mouth. His arms tensed and shook and then went limp. We ran outside and sat on the ground with him yelling and shaking him with no response and his lips turning blue.
A worker at the mattress store screamed for Louis to come with him. He jumped in the car and I followed with Pierre driving his car. I found out later that Davy stopped breathing in the car and Louis did CPR the entire fast paced, manic drive to the hospital. Just as they arrived at the hospital Davy began breathing again but was still unconscious. They took him in and took his vitals which had begun to return to normal right before making us leave to go to a hospital with a pediatric unit. We drove continuing to pray until Davey began to cry. The sound of his crying has been one of the most anxiety raising sounds in my life until that moment. I was so relieved and we all started crying. We brought him in to the emergency room where they performed a CAT scan and took blood work before hooking him up to an IV. Six hours later he was diagnosed as having experienced a seizure brought on by extreme dehydration and acidosis compounded by every other stress experienced in the previous five days. We took him home and cried for the rest of the night as he slept quietly between us in the intervals between us waking him up to drink.
David has made a full recovery.
In our training we discussed many categories of loss that would be unavoidable on the mission field. Several have hurt exponentially worse through this traumatic experience.
The loss of “home”. The loss of the familiar makes this trauma even harder because of all the little things we did not have in place yet being only the second day we were here. We didn’t know where hospitals were, and didn’t have phones or internet to tell anyone outside of Pierre what was happening. We had an empty apartment with only mattresses to bring our still sick baby home to when we left the hospital. We still feel vulnerable and dependent.
The loss of our support system. Not having the people we usually could run to even aware until days later was terrible for us. We couldn’t even send out an urgent “Please Pray!” email. We know that we cannot rely on your support the same way we have had it in the past, but we are feeling it painfully right now.
Of course the largest loss experienced through this was the continued loss of safety. Already we knew the worry of so many followed us that we would not be safe. We knew that there was no more safety in Arizona than in Lebanon, but this has been an acute suffering. We were already prepared to struggle through the first few months deciding what are safe choices for Davy (food, drink, play, etc.). This experience concentrated the loss of safety, and has left us lonely because we fear the “I told you so” that will come from people back in America.
Make sadness your ally. God’s solution for solving these losses is sadness. Rather than something to be avoided, the sadness and grief allows you to let go of what you cannot have in order to make room in your heart for what you can have. It is important to feel safe to grieve. (Paraphrased from Hiding From Love by John Townsend) We have carved out this time to make less decisions and do less so we can take even more time to grieve, and to grieve well.
Please know that all the pain and feelings you are feeling are valid. We want you to feel the grieving along with us rather than try to minimize it. Grieve Well.
We want to let you all know about the training that we are going to this April. So here is a summary of the information pulled from the website (Click Here to see the complete website). We will be attending the Compass training from March 31 through April 26 in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Compass is designed to help cross-cultural missionaries develop skills and attitudes to successfully make it through culture shock and adaptation. Many missionaries last a short time on the mission field because there is a lack of pre-field training, and there are huge expectations set on them. One of the ways in which Compass will help with this is by giving us tools to acquire new languages quickly, which will make us more effective immediately. This will allow us to connect with the people we meet in their heart language. We will learn techniques in entering a new culture in areas of stress, team dynamics, conflicts, Sabbath rest, and relationship skills.
Your prayers are essential as we experience this opportunity together as a family. It has been many years since we have attended a training instead of running it ourselves. Davy has never had an experience of being in daycare throughout the day as he will there. I (Annie) am very nervous about it all, but feel that the Holy Spirit has been calling me out onto the ledge, to live less in safety, and more in vulnerability. I want to find God in every experience instead of relying on comfort and routine. I am excited to see what God is going to do with us there, and how we will be able to change our attitudes and increase our hope and joyfulness in these times of uncertainty.